Smart Children Are Supposed To Do Smart Things, Right?
My husband, Mathieu, has an obsession with rugby.
A sport that has consumed him since his AC school boy days, he has committed half his life to peaking his fitness, skill and understanding of the game.
Now in his 30s, Mathieu continues to spend his time watching rugby matches on stream and figuring out how to become a better player. Recently, he joined the coaching staff at Centaurs Rugby Club.
I don’t think I've known of anyone as passionate as him.
Now as the father of my child, the idea of retiring from the sport might seem a little more realistic. But 2 years in, my advice to stop playing entirely for the reason that he needs to lead an injury-free, risk-reduced life for our son somehow falls on deaf ears.
Mathieu (with the ball) in his last official game,
Bedok Kings vs SCC 2019/2020
Recently he said to me, “I’ll participate in the next SRU season because I’m not done with it yet”. He has been saying this every year for the last 5 years.
If this were to be realised, it would be Mathieu's 10th season playing in the local men’s league, with his last official game just before the pandemic eradicated all forms of human interaction.
In 2020, Mathieu was called up to the national men’s squad by then head coach Simon Mannix (ex-All Black), but couldn’t realise his dream of representing his country.
Unsurprisingly, injuries are common in impact sports like rugby.
Take a look: Mathieu broke his nose twice, suffered a spinal bulge (aka slipped disc) twice, had an almost career-ending MCL injury on his left knee, and had a whole lot of bumps and bruises that could be brushed off as having fallen off the bicycle. The latter would have me immobile for a year.
But for Mat, it was just another day in the office.
In fact, it did the opposite - it made him even more motivated to push himself. No amount of broken bones could get him off the field.
There are two possible reasons for this madness:
1) Mathieu is stubborn, because he doesn’t know when to call it quits.
2) Mathieu is in love, because he can’t seem to take his eyes (or hands) off the game.
When we discuss what it means to achieve great things, we often consider the importance of talent and skill. However, when we examine those who have broken through the ceiling, we find that there is another element at play: interest.
Your children can have all the time in the world, but they can’t seem to clear the mess in their room. But when your body starts breaking down from years of playing contact sport, suddenly, you’re finding all excuse to get back on it.
It doesn’t make any sense. And you’re probably right.
Do it once. Do it again. Then, do it thereafter.
In his best-selling book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell highlights the 10,000-hour rule: you have to put in 10,000 hours to get great at something. I think most of us might have miss the crux of what he meant.
Let’s think about it this way:
Michael Jordan had put in at least 10,000 hours of practice on the basketball court.
J.K Rowling had put in at least 10,000 hours of practice with consistent writing.
Mozart had put in at least 10,000 hours of practice in the music studio.
If we had bite-sized it, here’s how it would look like: 5,000 days of 2 hours practice each day. That’s 14 years of practice. It isn’t just investing 10,000 hours. It’s about actually investing 10,000 hours.
Gladwell was right - 10,000 hours isn’t just 10,000 hours. It’s a ginormous amount of time, and more often than not, people are unlikely to see it through from beginning to end.
If you want to perfect your craft, you’ll need to repeat it over and over. To be able to repeat it over and over, you’ll need more than talent or skill.
Smart children are supposed to do smart things
Kim Ung-Yong is a South Korean former child prodigy who was recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records in the 1960s for having then the highest IQ in the world. 210 was the number.
He was able to read in Japanese, Korean, German, and English by the time he was a toddler, and at the age of four, he was accepted into a university in Seoul. He later moved to the United States to study at Colorado State University and received a Ph.D. in physics at the age of 15.
Despite his early success and remarkable intelligence at a young age, Kim became disillusioned with his work.
Everyone has their own unique learning style, their dreams and aspirations, their talents to bring to the table. And Kim knew that his career at the highest ranks of NASA weren’t what interest him. Without interest, he knew it would be a matter of time before he became unsustainable.
So he did what no sane person would've done - quit.
He left NASA, where he worked as a researcher at 8 years old (talk about crazy smart), and returned to South Korea to become a university math lecturer. When asked much later on why he rolled up the red carpet laid out for him, Kim said:
“I don’t like the limelight. I prefer to live a quiet life with my family”.
In the eyes of society, Kim became an unfulfilled promise, like an Usain-Bolt-calibre athlete who never made it to the starting line. Aren't smart children are supposed to do smart things?
But to Kim, everything was going perfectly the way he wanted it.
“Society believes that those with a high IQ are destined for greatness - but it’s not that simple,” Kim explains. “Just look at me".
To do something repeatedly, you need an insatiable passion. And a passion of this sort is interest on steroids.
Joseph Schooling has an interest in swimming.
Sim Wong Hoo had an interest in computer audio products.
Kim Ung-yong has an interest in math.
And for someone I’ve know personally for more than half my life, Mathieu has an interest in rugby.
So… what does this mean for my child?
We see two things panned out here:
Without interest, talent doesn’t really matter.
With interest, talent doesn’t really matter.
Now ask yourself the golden question: what are your kids interested in? What gives them the fire in their lives? What keeps them pursing after a life that may not seem reasonable to you?
What kids will say: Instagram, Roblox, TikTok, YouTube - the usual suspects of generation alpha.
What parents will say: math, science, english, chinese, exam scores - all you need to lead a successful life in future.
But where there is no interest, it won’t be long before the flame dies out.
I'm not saying that kids shouldn't do what they're supposed to do (i.e. homework, exams, school) even if they have zero interest in it. But beyond the necessities of progressing in life, kids need to target their interest and zero in.
To increase the chances of leading a fulfilled life in the future and attain higher success, consider the following:
Passion (or a highly-stacked interest) is a key ingredient in achieving great work. Cultivate a love for something in your child by first giving them the permission to have passion. Thereafter, give them permission to dedicate their time and effort to it.
To become great at something, it takes more than talent or skill. It requires consistent practice and repetition, even when it’s not easy or convenient. But first, they have to have an interest in it.
Smart children are supposed to do smart things? Not necessarily. Everyone has their own unique learning style, talents, and interests. Encourage your child to be different. Teach them to discern, rather than following what society deems as the “right” path.
Recognize that success looks different for everyone. While some may strive for greatness in the public eye, others may prefer a more low-key life. But either paths does not make one better (or worse). Allow your kids to define their own success and not feel pressured to meet society’s expectations.
Sit back and observe the interest of your children. What gives them life? Is it the creative arts? Group activities? Public speaking? Sports? STEM subjects? Your child probably knows what interest them, so just ask them. Then, be their support to reach a higher level.
The short of it?
I'll say it: interest will take your kids further than talent or skills.
It’s nice to be skilled at something, but if your kids are going to be in this for the long haul, think about how they can sustain themselves into the future.
But beyond interest, talent or skills, think about how the power of creativity, imagination and curiosity can take them further.
Be well,
Miss G (@gladyssoh)
