3 Ways For Your Child To Think Deeply

A wise old owl lived in an oak,

The more he saw the less he spoke,

The less he spoke, the more he heard,

Why aren’t we all like that old bird?

This was John D. Rockefeller’s response whenever he was asked why he was always silent at work. Reason was simple - his job wasn’t to drill oil wells, reprimand workers, or shake hands. It was to formulate business strategies and make decisions.

His job was to think.

In the past, work was defined by what you could do with your hands. Now, productivity is tied to the amount of emails you sent, meetings you attend, time your kids spent on studying or how tight their schedules are.

Have you gone on a family vacation and feel inspired, only to lose all that drive the moment you step back into office? How you told yourself you're gonna induce change the moment you return home, not before reality reminds you that it's incharge? It’s funny how the most crucial work gets done when we’re not working.

This paranormal occurrence happens when we have the space to reflect and let our minds wander.

The problem is, the economy we live in today doesn’t reward purposeful thinking. Knowledge workers like you and I only take breaks once in a blue moon, not to think, but to breathe. We fail to realise that this kind of reflection is vital for many jobs.

And if you don’t experience it yourself, much less your children.

Albert Einstein once said:

I take time to go for long walks on the beach so that I can listen to what is going on inside my head. If my work isn’t going well, I lie down in the middle of a workday and gaze at the ceiling while I listen and visualise what goes on in my imagination.

Lesson: when you stop working, you get work done. When you intentionally pause and reflect, you free up space in your mind to do something humans didn’t think of doing - think.

If we're living in a supposed knowledge economy, where do we get our knowledge from without thinking?

Remember to breathe.

How can I possibly lie down in the middle of a workday, gazing at the office ceiling and expect my boss to be okay with it? How can my kid just sit there and engage in profound reflection? I can’t even get them to finish their meals.

Here's the truth:

Your counterparts aren’t going to understand why you need to take time off to think. Instead, see it more of a personal responsibility - one that you need to take for yourself and model for your kids.

Expect no one to rationalise why you need it. Do it because you have to. Because it's necessary.

And the more I think about it, the more I feel that the environment around us is too noisy - not in a decibel sense, but one that clouds your mind, preventing you and your kids from focusing on the important stuff.

We've all forgotten to breathe.

Everything is prying for your attention - spreadsheets, emails, bills, cultural expectations, social comparisons, people’s opinion of you, school, homework. From one activity to the next, we brag about how technology has made our lives more efficient, but find ourselves struggling to keep our heads above water.

In this present environment, your kids are all out of mental breath. They can't think clearly. They can't think deeply. And they definitely can't think creatively.

Like Einstein, Mozart felt the same way:

When I am traveling in a carriage or walking after a good meal or during the night when I cannot sleep – it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly.

If you examine the lives of renowned thinkers who weren’t under pressure to appear busy, a pattern emerges: they invested significant amounts of time engaging in activities that didn’t seem like work at first glance, yet yielded remarkable outcomes.

So when was the last time your kids had a chance to think?

Photo by Cataleya, 8 years old.

3 ways to fight.

Back in the day, Einstein and Mozart’s environment wasn’t noisy like ours. They didn’t have any smartphones, and they sure didn’t have YouTube to drag them down the rabbit hole. All they had to do was to focus on their task at hand and produce amazing work.

Imagine yourself transported back into Einstein and Mozart's time. How'd you reckon your life would be?

Today, that’s impossible.

Unless you move to a remote island off the Carribean, your kids are going to be fighting a battle against distractions every single day. And more often than not, it's a battle that cannot be won.

So how do we contextualise deep thinking so your children can gain an edge over their minds and unearth the inner well of creativity?

Einstein and Mozart would’ve secluded themselves in a wooden cabin without anyone knowing. But for us modern day tech folks, the trick isn’t to find that quiet corner, but to engage in activities that would facilitate deep thinking amidst the distractions.

Here are three dead-simple ways you could help your kids think deeply:

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1) Asking open-ended questions.

Almost all good things begin by asking our kids the right questions.

But if I ask the right questions, what could go wrong?

The question we should be asking about asking question is, what constitutes a good question. There are many good questions, but certainly not this: “what do you want to be when you grow up?”.

Instead, ask these:

“What is something that you’re frustrated about you wished you overcome?”, or “If you could change one thing in this world today, what would it be and why?”, or “What was one interesting thing you saw at school this week that left a deep impression in you?”.

Fire an open-ended question.

Here's what will happen: children will began to think beyond themselves. It will foster a sense of purpose. Consciously or unconsciously, these conversations will instill a sense of responsibility and a heightened awareness for the matters around them. It's counterintuitive, and that's why you must make it happen.

The reverse is also true.

Encourage your kids to ask open-ended questions. Listen closely and help them find answers. Train their curiosity and sharpen their critical thinking abilities. Maintain an open channel of conversation. Talk and discuss.

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2) Get out there

Uncover the world outside of home.

Go on a family vacation to unusual spots around the world. Find meaning in your travels. Intentionally experience unseen and unheard things. Allow your child to be exposed to anything that's not normal. And if you have the means, invest in extended periods of time away from home.

When children find themselves in unfamiliar territory, it brings out their warrior instincts.

Forced to adapt to an environment that is completely different from what they’re are accustomed to, suddenly, their senses are heightened. They find ways to fit into the new circle of classmates, colleagues, neighbours by learning to speak their language and understand the cultural nuances.

They'll begin to use their minds with greater clarity and purpose.

They’ll constantly push the boundaries of the comfort zone as they learn to ride the wave of uncertainty in a world that demands children to be ever-evolving and adaptable.

3) Engage in a process of active creation (instead of passive consumption)

The most important skill you can give your kids is the skill to create. Be it through the creative arts, cooking, music, hiking, children who are put through the process to creating will experience a fulfilment that is rare in today's context.

That's what I've seen after mentoring over 300+ children in the last three years.

Children want to create. They want to make something. But they don't know how. And how you as their parent can help is to fire up those creative muscles in them.

Because it was never about the end product. It has always been about putting children through an active process of creation. As they experience this more frequently, children who were once passive consumers will embody a new identity.

The short of it?

I think one of the most unfortunate consequences of technology is that humans don’t have the time or permission to take the time off to think. While the world is proudly championing the knowledge-based economy, there isn’t much space left in our heads.

Creativity is birthed from their subconscious. To uncover it, give your children time and space to think. Engage in activities that would facilitate their thoughts - journaling, intentional conversations, creating.

This may mean that they should do less things, or they should focus on just a few. The best ones are those that put them through a process of creation, instead of mindless consumption.

Be well,

Miss G (@gladyssoh)